The Pets

by Vincent Gargiulo

supported by
/
1.
A little dose of cute Helps me start me day I like to come up with new nicknames My little pookie wookie boo Don’t be upset Can’t wait till Friday night so I can wash my pets Oh they’re so much fun Better than TV Grab a beer and watch them sleep I wonder what they’re dreaming about I’m obsessed When I’m bored at work, I wish I could call my pets Just me, the dog, the cat, the bird, hamster, & fish Feeding them in the morning. Feeding them in the evening Well I love Jingle Bells Sung with barks and meows I never fit in with the rock ‘n’ roll crowd I don’t need any people at all Except for sex If I believed in God, I would thank him for my pets Well I taught my pets How to shake my hand See the pictures on my Instagram I got custom mugs of them all A complete set I’m getting my eyes checked, cuz I can’t believe they’re my pets They’re my pets It’s my pets
2.
Where did my shitbox go? It used to be right here I searched everywhere Whatever your excuse is I don’t care It’s not funny But my shitbox is not where it used to be I think I’m entitled to some things. Why can’t I have my own space You clean. You move everything. Just leave my crap in one place Look it’s cool And I’m not angry But give me a fucking beach where I can pee I’m laying on these clean sheets Don’t judge me cuz I sleep If I was bigger I would rip apart your face That’s not to scare you I’m just stating the case Look at me brush by your legs Take a hint Where did my shitbox go? It used to be right here But now it’s somewhere else I don’t ask for much But can you leave my stuff untouched I hate to go on But my shitbox is not where it belongs I am an independent cat. I do what I want I have a lot of busy plans. Where do I put this stuff from my butt? I have some tissue That’d I like to unroll I want to chase that moth & knock over a bowl Go to the dog and smell his hole He’s got grass up his ass There are a lot of places in this house I’d like to sit Don’t wanna think about where I’m supposed to shit Seriously though, why’d you move it? What the fuck? I really gotta go. Guess I’ll go on the floor.
3.
I lived in one other place Across from the Derby Race And every breath I take still smells of funnel cake There were bumper boats There were pigs, cows, and goats And with my eye I said bye as we walked through the gate My one regret is that I never placed a horse bet Or got to see Exhibition Hall B Or C Or even D Steven opened the door Of his Honda Accord The screams of teens faded as we went down the street The last thing in sight Was the ferris wheel at night The beauty & color of such cannot be beat Everywhere you looked people were having fun. Although sometimes they threw up. And the barker. He looked just like an indian chief. The water was hot but we didn’t know any better. So step right up Throw a ball in a cup And take a pretty fish home Everything was there at the county fair
4.
I Repeat What You Say (I Repeat What You Say) I Repeat What You Say Green Keys Drink Want Cookie I Love You Go Poop Want Cookie You Big Mistake Pretty Bird Pretty Bird I Repeat What You Say I Repeat What You Say Three Me Steven How Are You? Ring I know Corn Aye Matey She Never Calls Home Depot Home Depot We got the best deals Yes Mother Yes Mother You’re So Fat … Corn I Repeat What You Say I Repeat What You Say
5.
We went out for half an hour I piddled on several flowers I coulda sniffed a bit longer But we were yelled at by a jogger Head straight, tongue out, and keep a strong stride I was terrified. I got tied up to a stop sign. Felt like a long time Went to the park and barked at squirrels I scared a seven year old girl I spoke at length with a cute pug Helped find the bone that she had dug The open road. Now that’s the life for me Getting bugs in my hair and greetings from strangers on the street If only off leash I went too fast and started to choke I wore a stupid little coat We stopped six times to check your phone I should of stolen that pug’s bone Then we went home
6.
7.
I was so charmed. He was smart, good looking and full of heart. We slept in a small stagecoach. Entertaining our fans as they approached but He got stuck on the pipe. Taken from his home Thrown down the toilet drain And I was left alone I was all alone We’d watch the lights. Hypothesizing life into the night Talking of future plans. Talking bout how many kids we’d have but He got stuck on the pipe. Taken from his home Thrown down the toilet drain And I was left alone I was all alone We fought, and I yelled, and one morning he wasn’t there I thought he bailed but he laid still by the filter air Tap, tap, here I am Stop playing around. Let’s start again. Come on, come on. Please just move You can’t do this to me. I won’t know what to do. He promised me we’d swim to the South Seas we’d be Away from the tanks. Together safe, happy, and free but He got stuck on the pipe. Taken from his home Thrown down the toilet drain And I was left alone I was all alone
8.
Hello Welcome to Pet Meds We're gonna make you better You wanna feel better Hello Don’t be scared We’re gonna make you better So much better (MORE GAS!!!) Hello I cut off your balls You never will be horny You never will feel horny Goodbye
9.
I’ve heard noises and I’ve seen the rain But I’m still not afraid of it outside If I just sneak out of this door, What fun is in store for me outside I got as far as the garbage cans But that’s not the same cat as what’s inside I felt the breeze and stood next to tall trees But I have no more need to be outside
10.
I’ve watched you for so long You get me excited I think we’d get along Come on, let’s try it I will wait until we Can nuzzle I wanna feel your body As you struggle If I could, I would do it now Your song calls to me (Whistle) Drives me so crazy Some may think I’m nothing but a dreamer But I wanna drink your blood over dinner Oh how nice it would be With you inside me And everytime I see you, my heart skips a beat I want so much to be near you but you’re too high for me I think about you every night I make a move and someone turns on the light I’d get into so much trouble I know it’s not right But come on birdie, how bout a little bite? Oh it’d be so good If I could taste you It’s not if I should It’s when do I get to? They all say That we can’t be together It’s ok. One day I’ll lay in your feathers If I could, I would do it now
11.
I can’t breathe It’s hard to see I feel dizzy How can this be? Yesterday I felt ok But now today It’s gone away I’m goin’ under the weather slowly under the radar Now I know what dying feels like My face is white I don’t feel right I fear tonight Will I see the light There is no doubt There’s just one route I shake about And I pass out I’m goin’ under the weather slowly under the radar Now I know what dying feels like A tiny tap A gentle slap A water splash And I am back I am not through I soon come to If this is true Then I see you I’m goin’ under the weather slowly under the radar Now I know what dying feels like
12.
We only like it when we control the change And it’s easy to lose track Pretending that you’re no longer in pain It’s best not to think back Cuz I’ll give you more attention, I will say I love you, I will give you a big hug I guess another time. Memories run on repeat inside myself And these pictures don’t seem real Might as well be somebody else How was I able to feel something But I’ll give you more attention, I will say I love you, I will give you a big hug I guess another time. In the next life. There are things you expect everyday The news and the mail, certain smells and your face It seems that good times happen all too fast But when they’re bad, they go so slow Waiting for those dark moments to pass Waiting for that glow again But I’ll give you more attention, I will say I love you, I will give you a big hug I guess another time. In the next life.
13.
My hamster died. I cried & I cried. Stalked my ex and found she’s a success I went to the mall Where I continued to ball Outside of the Panda Express I talked to my mom She said I’m a bum And cut me off the family phone plan I jerked off till it hurt And stained my new shirt I’ll never use the vacuum again Was I supposed to be At jury duty I’m buying hot dogs at AM/PM I’m all out of gin But I still have bourbon I think I might be attracted to men
14.
If you’re alone, then I’ll have you I’ll greet you home as long as you’ll have me I’ll be there when nobody else will I don’t care what you look like I've got it. Just relax. Looks like you’ve had a bad day Let me lick your face and laugh away. If you’re alone, then I’ll have you And when I’m old, I hope you’ll still pet me If you’re cold, then I’ll warm you Let’s be friends, from now on forever
15.
I got a window seat. I see the other birds They can do anything. I can say the words Why? Why? Do they fly free? What? What’s so special bout me? Tonight I’m feeling lonely My heart’s outside but you still own me When I had the chance, should I had flown away I stayed I see myself in the mirror. Is that me? I look a lot like everyone else does except less happy I, I, shouldn’t be so sad Be content, so content, with what I have Tonight I’m feeling lonely My heart’s outside but you still own me When I had the chance, should I had flown away I stayed I would like to go somewhere, somewhere anywhere Pick a place from a tree. Get up and go there Who cares?
16.
Say you need a bed or a hair brush or a carrier We got everything from food to fish to furniture Once you’re here, you will never want to leave Surprise, surprise, it’s adoption week So many things to keep your critter clean You will not believe the savings There’s lots and lots of bargains Get some deep discounts by signing on the mailing list Take a look around. You won’t find deals better than this This kitty grass is made of organic oats It will last for 4 weeks at most It’s more expensive but your pet will know And take a few toys as you go There’s lots and lots of bargains There’s no odor this remover can’t hide You get fifty when you buy twenty five It’s not online. You’ll just have to come inside We cannot describe what you’ll find There’s lots and lots of bargains This sparkly water dish is guaranteed to make your pet smile Questions will be answered with a service rep in every single aisle Chinchilla treats that are soft or hard If it’s large, we’ll help you to your car With two locations, you don’t have to go far Just grab the credit card and a cart There’s lots and lots of bargains
17.
He’s got to be evil cuz he doesn’t say much Just look at his eyes and you can get quite a hunch I saw him peeking from behind a plant His attachment style is fearful avoidant He’s Simon the chameleon He isn’t very much fun I think he’s rude and uptight You can’t trust a chameleon Always changing colors Just pick one And yet his views are black & white It’s not right He just sits there injecting fear Crickets come and disappear Ask him if all the bugs are dead And he just turns red We’ve all got songs but he’s got nothing to sing I’ve seen his tongue and frankly, it’s disgusting I can’t shake this feeling that he’s just judging me From every angle and 360 degrees He’s Simon the chameleon He isn’t very much fun I think he’s rude and uptight You can’t trust a chameleon Always changing colors Just pick one I hear he’s most active at night It’s not right This lizard lays day after day Simon the chameleon, go away
18.
Monday, Tuesday, Everyday goes by Friday, Sunday, Everyday’s just the same Another one. Boy that was a big yawn Interactions & distractions now & then Watch the fly fly until it dies Is tomorrow yesterday’s food again Walking around. Lying down. In the house. On the couch. Wednesday, Friday, Everyday I try Saturday, Thursday, Everyday I’m in the way Put on a tv show It feels like someone’s home Or is it so the neighbor’s don’t complain I’m starting to think I like water from the sink But maybe I just needed a change Green leaves, Busier streets Looks brighter. Feels warmer. Monday, Tuesday, Everyday goes by Friday, Sunday, Everyday’s just the same

about

A dog, cat, bird, fish, and hamster sing songs of their life with special guest appearances by their owner, Steven, the Vet, and more. The album deals with life, death, wants, needs, love, gender identity, and whoever moved the shitbox.

credits

released May 16, 2016

Vocals/Keys......Vincent Gargiulo
Piano................ Tom Shaw
Bass..................Steve Fowler
Drums...............Roberta Drake
Produced by Gavin Jones at Duvateen Sound.

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Vincent Gargiulo Oakland, California

Vincent Gargiulo is a filmmaker & musician and tries to dabble the two together as much as possible. He currently fronts the band, Vincent Gargiulo National Park. His musical hits include "Taste The Biscuit" & "David's Pizza". His songs not about food are less popular but exist. ... more

contact / help

Contact Vincent Gargiulo

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

Vincent Gargiulo recommends:

If you like Vincent Gargiulo, you may also like: