The Pets

by Vincent Gargiulo

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about

A dog, cat, bird, fish, and hamster sing songs of their life with special guest appearances by their owner, Steven, the Vet, and more. The album deals with life, death, wants, needs, love, gender identity, and whoever moved the shitbox.

credits

released May 16, 2016

Vocals/Keys......Vincent Gargiulo
Piano................ Tom Shaw
Bass..................Steve Fowler
Drums...............Roberta Drake
Produced by Gavin Jones at Duvateen Sound.

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about

Vincent Gargiulo Oakland, California

Vincent Gargiulo is a filmmaker & musician and tries to dabble the two together as much as possible. He's also in the two man band Ghost Peeps, wrote the tunes for faux-group Toasters 'N' Moose, and even had Billy Ray Cyrus cover one his songs. His musical hits include "Taste The Biscuit" & "David's Pizza". His songs not about food are less popular but exist. ... more

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Track Name: My Pets (Sung by the Pets Owner, Steven)
A little dose of cute
Helps me start me day
I like to come up with new nicknames
My little pookie wookie boo
Don’t be upset
Can’t wait till Friday night so I can wash my pets

Oh they’re so much fun
Better than TV
Grab a beer and watch them sleep
I wonder what they’re dreaming about
I’m obsessed
When I’m bored at work, I wish I could call my pets

Just me, the dog, the cat, the bird, hamster, & fish
Feeding them in the morning. Feeding them in the evening

Well I love Jingle Bells
Sung with barks and meows
I never fit in with the rock ‘n’ roll crowd
I don’t need any people at all
Except for sex
If I believed in God, I would thank him for my pets

Well I taught my pets
How to shake my hand
See the pictures on my Instagram
I got custom mugs of them all
A complete set
I’m getting my eyes checked, cuz I can’t believe they’re my pets
They’re my pets
It’s my pets
Track Name: Shitbox (Sung by the Cat)
Where did my shitbox go? It used to be right here

I searched everywhere
Whatever your excuse is I don’t care
It’s not funny
But my shitbox is not where it used to be

I think I’m entitled to some things. Why can’t I have my own space
You clean. You move everything. Just leave my crap in one place

Look it’s cool
And I’m not angry
But give me a fucking beach where I can pee
I’m laying on these clean sheets
Don’t judge me cuz I sleep

If I was bigger
I would rip apart your face
That’s not to scare you
I’m just stating the case
Look at me brush by your legs
Take a hint

Where did my shitbox go? It used to be right here
But now it’s somewhere else

I don’t ask for much
But can you leave my stuff untouched
I hate to go on
But my shitbox is not where it belongs

I am an independent cat. I do what I want
I have a lot of busy plans. Where do I put this stuff from my butt?

I have some tissue
That’d I like to unroll
I want to chase that moth
& knock over a bowl
Go to the dog and smell his hole
He’s got grass up his ass

There are a lot of places in this house I’d like to sit
Don’t wanna think about where I’m supposed to shit
Seriously though, why’d you move it?
What the fuck?

I really gotta go.
Guess I’ll go on the floor.
Track Name: At The County Fair (Sung by the Fish)
I lived in one other place
Across from the Derby Race
And every breath I take still smells of funnel cake
There were bumper boats
There were pigs, cows, and goats
And with my eye I said bye as we walked through the gate

My one regret is that I never placed a horse bet
Or got to see Exhibition Hall B
Or C
Or even D

Steven opened the door
Of his Honda Accord
The screams of teens faded as we went down the street
The last thing in sight
Was the ferris wheel at night
The beauty & color of such cannot be beat

Everywhere you looked people were having fun. Although sometimes they threw up. And the barker. He looked just like an indian chief. The water was hot but we didn’t know any better.

So step right up
Throw a ball in a cup
And take a pretty fish home

Everything was there at the county fair
Track Name: I Repeat What You Say (Sung by the Bird)
I Repeat What You Say (I Repeat What You Say)
I Repeat What You Say

Green
Keys
Drink
Want Cookie

I
Love You
Go Poop
Want Cookie

You Big Mistake
Pretty Bird
Pretty Bird

I Repeat What You Say
I Repeat What You Say

Three
Me
Steven
How Are You?

Ring
I know
Corn
Aye Matey

She Never Calls
Home Depot
Home Depot

We got the best deals
Yes Mother
Yes Mother

You’re So Fat

Corn

I Repeat What You Say
I Repeat What You Say
Track Name: Walking Song (Sung by the Dog)
We went out for half an hour
I piddled on several flowers
I coulda sniffed a bit longer
But we were yelled at by a jogger

Head straight, tongue out, and keep a strong stride
I was terrified. I got tied up to a stop sign.
Felt like a long time

Went to the park and barked at squirrels
I scared a seven year old girl
I spoke at length with a cute pug
Helped find the bone that she had dug

The open road. Now that’s the life for me
Getting bugs in my hair and greetings from strangers on the street
If only off leash

I went too fast and started to choke
I wore a stupid little coat
We stopped six times to check your phone
I should of stolen that pug’s bone
Then we went home
Track Name: Stuck On The Pipe (Sung by the Fish)
I was so charmed. He was smart, good looking and full of heart.
We slept in a small stagecoach. Entertaining our fans as they approached but

He got stuck on the pipe.
Taken from his home
Thrown down the toilet drain
And I was left alone
I was all alone

We’d watch the lights. Hypothesizing life into the night
Talking of future plans. Talking bout how many kids we’d have but

He got stuck on the pipe.
Taken from his home
Thrown down the toilet drain
And I was left alone
I was all alone

We fought, and I yelled, and one morning he wasn’t there
I thought he bailed but he laid still by the filter air

Tap, tap, here I am
Stop playing around. Let’s start again.
Come on, come on. Please just move
You can’t do this to me. I won’t know what to do.

He promised me we’d swim to the South Seas we’d be
Away from the tanks. Together safe, happy, and free but

He got stuck on the pipe.
Taken from his home
Thrown down the toilet drain
And I was left alone
I was all alone
Track Name: The Vet Song (Sung by the Vet)
Hello
Welcome to Pet Meds
We're gonna make you better
You wanna feel better

Hello
Don’t be scared
We’re gonna make you better
So much better

(MORE GAS!!!)

Hello
I cut off your balls
You never will be horny
You never will feel horny

Goodbye
Track Name: Outside (Sung by the Hamster)
I’ve heard noises and I’ve seen the rain
But I’m still not afraid of it outside

If I just sneak out of this door,
What fun is in store for me outside

I got as far as the garbage cans
But that’s not the same cat as what’s inside

I felt the breeze and stood next to tall trees
But I have no more need to be outside
Track Name: Cat's Love Song To The Bird (Sung by the Cat)
I’ve watched you for so long
You get me excited
I think we’d get along
Come on, let’s try it
I will wait until we
Can nuzzle
I wanna feel your body
As you struggle
If I could, I would do it now

Your song calls to me
(Whistle) Drives me so crazy

Some may think I’m nothing but a dreamer
But I wanna drink your blood over dinner

Oh how nice it would be
With you inside me
And everytime I see you, my heart skips a beat
I want so much to be near you but you’re too high for me

I think about you every night
I make a move and someone turns on the light
I’d get into so much trouble
I know it’s not right
But come on birdie, how bout a little bite?

Oh it’d be so good
If I could taste you
It’s not if I should
It’s when do I get to?
They all say
That we can’t be together
It’s ok. One day
I’ll lay in your feathers
If I could, I would do it now
Track Name: What Dying Feels Like (Sung by the Hamster)
I can’t breathe
It’s hard to see
I feel dizzy
How can this be?

Yesterday
I felt ok
But now today
It’s gone away

I’m goin’ under the weather slowly under the radar
Now I know what dying feels like

My face is white
I don’t feel right
I fear tonight
Will I see the light

There is no doubt
There’s just one route
I shake about
And I pass out

I’m goin’ under the weather slowly under the radar
Now I know what dying feels like

A tiny tap
A gentle slap
A water splash
And I am back

I am not through
I soon come to
If this is true
Then I see you

I’m goin’ under the weather slowly under the radar
Now I know what dying feels like
Track Name: In The Next Life
We only like it when we control the change
And it’s easy to lose track
Pretending that you’re no longer in pain
It’s best not to think back

Cuz I’ll give you more attention, I will say I love you, I will give you a big hug I guess another time.

Memories run on repeat inside myself
And these pictures don’t seem real
Might as well be somebody else
How was I able to feel something

But I’ll give you more attention, I will say I love you, I will give you a big hug I guess another time. In the next life.

There are things you expect everyday
The news and the mail, certain smells and your face

It seems that good times happen all too fast
But when they’re bad, they go so slow
Waiting for those dark moments to pass
Waiting for that glow again

But I’ll give you more attention, I will say I love you, I will give you a big hug I guess another time. In the next life.
Track Name: Steven's Samba (Sung by Steven)
My hamster died.
I cried & I cried.
Stalked my ex and found she’s a success
I went to the mall
Where I continued to ball
Outside of the Panda Express

I talked to my mom
She said I’m a bum
And cut me off the family phone plan
I jerked off till it hurt
And stained my new shirt
I’ll never use the vacuum again

Was I supposed to be
At jury duty
I’m buying hot dogs at AM/PM
I’m all out of gin
But I still have bourbon
I think I might be attracted to men
Track Name: I'll Have You (Sung by the Dog)
If you’re alone, then I’ll have you
I’ll greet you home as long as you’ll have me
I’ll be there when nobody else will
I don’t care what you look like

I've got it. Just relax. Looks like you’ve had a bad day
Let me lick your face and laugh away.

If you’re alone, then I’ll have you
And when I’m old, I hope you’ll still pet me
If you’re cold, then I’ll warm you
Let’s be friends, from now on forever
Track Name: Window Seat (Sung by the Bird)
I got a window seat. I see the other birds
They can do anything. I can say the words

Why? Why? Do they fly free?
What? What’s so special bout me?

Tonight I’m feeling lonely
My heart’s outside but you still own me
When I had the chance, should I had flown away
I stayed

I see myself in the mirror. Is that me?
I look a lot like everyone else does except less happy
I, I, shouldn’t be so sad
Be content, so content, with what I have

Tonight I’m feeling lonely
My heart’s outside but you still own me
When I had the chance, should I had flown away
I stayed

I would like to go somewhere, somewhere anywhere
Pick a place from a tree. Get up and go there
Who cares?
Track Name: There's Lots & Lots of Bargains (Sung by the TV)
Say you need a bed or a hair brush or a carrier
We got everything from food to fish to furniture

Once you’re here, you will never want to leave
Surprise, surprise, it’s adoption week
So many things to keep your critter clean
You will not believe the savings
There’s lots and lots of bargains

Get some deep discounts by signing on the mailing list
Take a look around. You won’t find deals better than this

This kitty grass is made of organic oats
It will last for 4 weeks at most
It’s more expensive but your pet will know
And take a few toys as you go
There’s lots and lots of bargains

There’s no odor this remover can’t hide
You get fifty when you buy twenty five
It’s not online. You’ll just have to come inside
We cannot describe what you’ll find
There’s lots and lots of bargains

This sparkly water dish is guaranteed to make your pet smile
Questions will be answered with a service rep in every single aisle

Chinchilla treats that are soft or hard
If it’s large, we’ll help you to your car
With two locations, you don’t have to go far
Just grab the credit card and a cart
There’s lots and lots of bargains
Track Name: Simon The Chameleon (Sung by All Pets)
He’s got to be evil cuz he doesn’t say much
Just look at his eyes and you can get quite a hunch
I saw him peeking from behind a plant
His attachment style is fearful avoidant

He’s Simon the chameleon
He isn’t very much fun
I think he’s rude and uptight
You can’t trust a chameleon
Always changing colors
Just pick one
And yet his views are black & white
It’s not right

He just sits there injecting fear
Crickets come and disappear
Ask him if all the bugs are dead
And he just turns red

We’ve all got songs but he’s got nothing to sing
I’ve seen his tongue and frankly, it’s disgusting
I can’t shake this feeling that he’s just judging me
From every angle and 360 degrees

He’s Simon the chameleon
He isn’t very much fun
I think he’s rude and uptight
You can’t trust a chameleon
Always changing colors
Just pick one
I hear he’s most active at night
It’s not right

This lizard lays day after day
Simon the chameleon, go away
Track Name: Petlife (Sung by All Pets)
Monday, Tuesday, Everyday goes by
Friday, Sunday, Everyday’s just the same

Another one. Boy that was a big yawn
Interactions & distractions now & then
Watch the fly fly until it dies
Is tomorrow yesterday’s food again
Walking around. Lying down.
In the house. On the couch.

Wednesday, Friday, Everyday I try
Saturday, Thursday, Everyday I’m in the way

Put on a tv show
It feels like someone’s home
Or is it so the neighbor’s don’t complain
I’m starting to think
I like water from the sink
But maybe I just needed a change
Green leaves, Busier streets
Looks brighter. Feels warmer.

Monday, Tuesday, Everyday goes by
Friday, Sunday, Everyday’s just the same